A Letter of Thanks

Dear ...

I am sorry to have forgotten your name.  I expect you have also forgotten mine.  Although perhaps a fragment of your recollection of me remains somewhere in your memory, filed under "unreasonable people".

You visited my house when my son, who has PWS, was 2.  You came at my invitation to conduct a speech and language therapy assessment on my son.  You were friendly and polite. I was delighted to see you as up to that point I had struggled to source speech and language therapy. 

Everything went smoothly until you casually mentioned that you would like to observe my son eating and you produced a rice cake from your bag.  I immediately intervened and said that, unfortunately, my son could not participate in this part of the assessment right now as it was not his meal time and he did not eat outside mealtimes.  

You were taken aback.  You pointed out that rice cakes are healthy.  You said that he would only need to take a few bites.  You argued that he would soon forget one break in his routine.  You said you were sorry, but that you could not wait until his next mealtime as you were due to see other clients.

I said that I was sorry for any inconvenience caused.  But I also refused to give in.  I told you that I felt it was very important to have a fixed meal regime in a house where there was a person who had PWS.  You became exasperated.  Your frustration was obvious.  Eventually you left.  I don't recall if that part of the assessment was conducted at another point or if it was simply omitted.

That happened over 8 years ago.  Everything you said on that day was correct.  I can understand why you were frustrated and why you might have found me unreasonable.  I can laugh now at how I must have appeared to you. I imagine you viewed the appointment as a failure.

Yet I consider it to have been a huge success.  Why?  Because it was the first occasion when I came under pressure to manage my son's diet differently to what I believed to be in his best interests.  It was the first of many occasions when someone else wanted him to have food that I did not want him to have.  This appointment provided me with an opportunity to test my commitment to standing firm in the face of pressure from someone in a position of authority over me.  And I did stand firm.  Having withstood the pressure from you, I became more confident and gained the courage to continue to resist pressure and to take full responsibility for my son's welfare myself.  

Eight years later my 10-year-old son is thin and healthy and we still have a fixed meal routine. He has grown up to understand that we do not eat outside of meal times and we do not eat spontaneously regardless of who suggests we should.  He also understands that if his Mom or Dad makes a rule it will be enforced.

So, genuinely, I am grateful to you.  Even though it was an unintended consequence of your visit, that appointment helped us more than you will ever know.

 Yours... 

PS: My son's speech is excellent now!